«Do men get silly as they get older? He is drinking too much. Not much. But enough to be too much. We go to a party. He gobbles up two or three whiskies as soon as he can get them. Then wanders off. Flirts with the younger women. Some of them are flattered. After all, he is a distinguished man. But I am sure some of them would like to give him the slip, and talk with men of their own age. I am just left to my own devices. I don’t like it. Feel embarrassed. Spoke to him about it. All he said was, “You are all right. You can talk to people”, and left it at that. But it is not all that easy for a woman. Besides, I am basically a shy person. I think people notice that the evening goes by and he hardly says a word to me.
‘It’s really the drink. If we go where there is not much drink we stay together, and I quite enjoy it, but he feels it rather a bore.
‘Worse than this, I am frightened he will be caught driving with too high a blood alcohol level. That would be awful for a man in his position. »
She needs to enlist the help of one of his friends. Someone of equal professional status, who can speak to him as man to man on an equal footing.
When we warn someone who is acting foolishly, we want to warn them in areas which are socially acceptable for discussion. In this case his friend should warn him about the dangers of drinking and driving, but should leave the effect of his drinking on his wife alone, as it is much more difficult to tolerate advice in this other area. The effect of the advice, if it is heeded, covers both areas.
It is much better for the advice to be given by a third party, rather than the woman herself. If she gives it, there is a likelihood that it will cause further tension between them.
There is another point. In dealing with stress situations, counseling and the giving of advice is usually not much help, because the type of understanding needed to be effective is something deeper and more biologically significant than the logical understanding of our intellect. But in this case, the consequences of drinking and driving are so simple, and so well acknowledged, that direct counseling may well be effective.
*34/98/5*
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